That’s the key to success. Literally. Without it, you can’t achieve anything.
Although I knew about it, I’ve never understood the importance of it. I was always like why others simply just can’t do it. The closest I’ve ever felt to having a lack of motivation was just procrastination. But I can’t say so now.
I was excited before school started, until reality fucked me up. I wasn’t inspired, I didn’t feel like doing anything related to school. I couldn’t find that spark to keep me going. One drawing after another, one model after another. I feel as though I’m only completing my work for the sake of it. There is barely an sense of satisfaction; everything is just going downhill. Initially, I thought it was because school has just started and I haven’t matched pace. Two more weeks and it’s the end of this semester. What have I been doing all this time?
I struggled a lot internally. There were so much built up frustrations with the lack of inspiration, the disappointment in myself, the quality of the work I was producing. It was so overwhelming at times I felt so suffocated and thought really poorly of myself, and I couldn’t find an outlet of release.
I can’t understand all of the stress. I am taking a more relaxed attitude towards school than last year, trying to manage a better school-life balance. Somehow it just doesn’t work out. As for now, I’m just trying my best not to give into the stress and work whatever I can within my ability and timeframe.
I am not at my best, but with whatever I am now, I am trying really hard to be better.
I’m not going to give up. I don’t have to lose.
Like how I’m not giving up on myself.
I have been starting to enjoy my exercise sessions more and I look forward to burning those calories. It is so tough while doing it but pushing myself to go just a little more; at the end of it I feel proud of my accomplishment. It’s not all flowers and rainbows. There are many days where I feel like absolute crap while going on a run. But I’ve still done it, and I will never regret it because something is better than nothing. I can’t wait for the holidays so that I’ll be able to have a more regular schedule to train myself. School is just so busy and crappy these days.
Two more weeks.